Kate's Story
My name’s Kate, and I’m 18. I care for my younger brother Toby who has severe autism, and my dad who has depression.
My brother’s only two years younger than me, so I’ve never known a life without autism. Toby can’t talk, and mentally is about 2 or 3 years old, so he needs constant attention.
Usually my mum’s in charge, but I help with keeping him calm when he’s about to go into a rage, pushing his buggy (he hates public places and refuses to walk), fetching his sleeping medication, and making sure he’s not hurting himself.
When I was a lot younger I used to make his formula milk for him too, but he’s grown out of that. I also used to help Toby get dressed, but for the last year or so he’s been able to do this by himself.
Mostly I looked after myself when I was growing up, since my parents were always busy with Toby.
Sometimes when he flies into his rages we all get hurt, but I’ve been lucky in that I’ve never needed to go to hospital for this.
Things can be good though - last week he came with me on a bus for the very first time, and a few weeks before that he came with me to the corner shop without fussing. I feel so proud of him.
I only found out that my dad had depression when I was 12, but apparently he’s had it since before I was born.
Even though I don’t do much in the practical sense of caring, I do worry about him a lot and have had to give my mum a lot of emotional support. When she’s away, I make sure that he takes his medication and I cook for him, since he often forgets to eat. I still love him though, even though it’s not always easy.
He’s had some really low times when he gets angry for no reason and there’ve been bad consequences, but I keep reminding myself that he doesn’t mean what he says or does.
He lost his job because of his illness, and my mum can’t get a job because she has to look after Toby, so we have to make do with benefits. Living in a rich area, this isn’t always easy, but Mum makes sure that we never go without the essentials.
My school knows that I’m a carer - one of the workers at my local young carers’ group passed the message on - but I don’t get any support from them.
I’m expected to be another student, and I still get told off when I haven’t done a piece of work because my dad’s had a bad day and I’ve been busy, or when I sometimes come in late because Toby’s kept us awake all night.
Still, at least school takes me away from home for a few hours - it’s a bit strange to think of it as my refuge!
Next year I’ll be going to study psychology at university, and then I want to become a psychologist working with people with mental illnesses. Even though I’m looking forward to moving away from home, I’m worried about how my mum will cope without me - she’ll be on her own then.
